Feedback

I got some feedback from a different site: This is in response to How not to be a stalker


You don't need "friends" like that in your life, Poet!!!

As an outsider, looking in on your story, you came into to her life at a time when she was vulnerable, needy and wanting someone to talk to. As long as you were there to listen and support her, everything was fine. When the ex came back into her life, she didn't 'need' you anymore, and didn't even care enough about you to let call you or email you and tell you herself. When you actually needed someone to talk to, she didn't even want to listen, because your "friendship" was all about her in the first place. You were doing all the giving. She sounds very narcissistic.

When you tried to reconnect with her, which was admirable, I understand, as you might have needed to get that apology off your chest, she was ok with it as long as you didn't cause any disruption in her life. But when you talked about true friendship, it rock the boat. Whether she feels guilty for treating you badly, because she did, I hope you know that... Or, maybe she just doesn't want a reminder of that part of her life, doesn't really matter, Poet.

You cleaned up your side of the street, as they say. You apologized for something you felt you did wrong to her, tried to be friends again. You can't change other people, only what you do. I just hope you really know and understand that you are the winner here. You don't need someone like her in your life, an emotional vampire.

I am so grateful for the friendship that we have developed. And I believe I CAN use the word "friend" regarding us... You have such a sensitive, caring soul, Poet!

Sorry if my momma bear instincts came out, but it makes me angry that someone treated you like this. See, I don't really think what you did was really stalking, as she left you no choice. You were worried... oh, I won't go on...

needless to say, I'd like to kick her ass for you!!! Oh, hey, why don't we throw her to the zombies, hee hee hee

love you, Poet!

And my response...

It was a very complex situation. We were friends long before she became pregnant and up until then it was a bit volatile - and her reaction to adverse situations was to run away from them. My response to that was to give chase. Until the pregnancy, she was pretty normal, but our connection was based on lies. I believe (although I can't prove) that she was married throughout and that S simply wasn't around. And I believe that he got her knocked up and moved back in with her. And I believe that was what started all the melodrama.

I attempted to reconnect with her so I could get some resolution. And I thought that was going to happen. I also thought - at the absolute least - that if we decided that we were going to decide that we couldn't be friends again, then we would do so amicably. But she clearly decided that the amicable resolution wasn't a desirable one. I think the only way she can close off something like that is with spite.

And that is why I now consider her to be absolutely toxic. Because she doesn't just abuse trust... her level of spite goes way beyond that. I still believe that she wants to be a good person and a good friend - I still remember that part of her - but I know that she's too angry and too filled with bitterness to do so.