The photoshoot

Things are starting to progress with the upcoming autism talk.  We had the photoshoot on the 21st of August, and Kobi recently sent me these pictures.

I'm not sure when the gallery space and the talk will take place.  I've got a feeling it might not be before Christmas.  With Fixers, events proceed slowly, but steadily.

Thoughts on the gallery space

This is a recent email to Kobi.  Rather than go through all my thoughts, all over again, just to reproduce them in this posting, I figured it would be more effective to simply cut-and-paste the email.


Hello, Kobi

I'm a bit annoyed at myself.  I've lost the contact details of the producer.  I've forgotten his name, too - is it Andrew?  Anyway, I hope you pass this message on to him.

I'm also annoyed that I've got a bit of creative block with the photographic concept.  It's a little tricky to think of five images that summarise everything coherently.  But I think the key stages would be...

• Massage therapist.  Perhaps an image of me working on someone's back.  My form of therapy was delivered through clothes, on a specially designed chair.  The chair I used was an Oakworks Portal Pro.
• Starting to suspect I had autism.  This is a tricky part.  I'm not sure how to represent it without overacting it or overstating it.  Maybe just a face shot - let people add in their own interpretation.
• Car crash.  A potentially great visual, with some real momentum.  But I don't have a clue how to represent it.  Perhaps a picture of myself and someone standing in for my friend?  Shot through the windshield.  The moment immediately before the crash, where we're both looking tense and frightened - anticipating the impact.  I think it might potentially be too cheesy or cheap or impractical to show the actual impact or aftermath.
• Photoshop and creativity.  Maybe a scene of me sitting at a computer, looking bored.  I don't know - again, this could look cheesy.  It also might look too vague.  But perhaps - like the autism picture - it could let people add their own interpretation.
• Art classes.  A bit of a jump in the narrative, this time.  Leaping forward to things getting better.  But it could still work - and this is the picture that feels easiest to me.  It would just have to be a representation of one of my art classes.  It wouldn't be revealing, but it would hopefully show a moment where everybody appears to be having a lot of fun.

I have some other thoughts, if the format is a flexible one, though.  I was thinking that bits of text could link the pictures.  My own words - I could write things and they could be printed up and displayed next to each picture.  They would elaborate on the story.

I was also thinking that I could select some of my own pictures that could be printed up as well.  I realise that these would probably need to be vetted by yourselves and they would be at my own expense, but I think that if they were printed up postcard sized, they could definitely represent my work.

I might not be able to afford to print a lot of pictures, though.  So perhaps I could set up a digital display of some pictures.  A screensaver kind of effect somewhere would be good.  Perhaps they could be cycled on a projector?  I would love to have more than one projector displaying different types of pictures on different walls, but I'm sure that would be a bit ambitious.  It would surely look cool, though.

I am definitely getting very excited by the way things are going.  And to make sure I've got this straight in my head... I want to go through the format as I understand it -

I meet with the producer to discuss photos.  Then we meet again to actually take the pictures.  Fixers will arrange for a space - a sort of gallery event - to display large copies of the pictures.  I can invite various people along - like family and friends, as well as representatives of Crew 2000, Autism Initiatives and Number 6?  Some other people will be invited along by Fixers.  At this event, at some point, I will be given a platform in which to talk to everyone and generally tell the story of how it all came about.  The space could be the old Forest Cafe, if it's possible to get that building.  But if not, then anther building that has been empty and is a little run-down for some time.

If I've got that broadly right, then I'm definitely excited.  And I'd also like to ask - could the space be available for a little while?  It would be good to have time to get everything set up and to welcome in random passers-by as well as people who have been invited.  So it would be really good if it could be available for more than just the one night.

I'm going to create a dropbox folder with the pictures I took of the Forest Cafe and send you an invitation to view it.  Would you mind forwarding this email - and the dropbox invitation - to the producer?

Thank you.

Graham

Kobi and the Producer

The meeting with Kobi and his Producer was interesting, today.  We took the promotion concept into an entirely different direction.  Kobi warned the producer that I had some strong ideas of my own, and I think he said I might be difficult to steer in alternative directions, but I've been flexible from the very start.  It's the message that's important - not the way it's delivered.

So when the Producer (I've forgotten his name) came up with his suggestions, I was initially sceptical, but quickly persuaded.  At first I didn't really get the logistics of it, but the more it was clarified, the more enthusiastic I became.  This is a much, much better idea.

As I understand it - and I might have some of the specifics slightly wrong - we're going to get some still photographs, rather than video.  The pictures are going to tell the story of the last few years.  Massage therapist, car crash, autism diagnosis - leading up to me running the hen night business.  They'll be printed up and put into a display; ideally in an empty building that's been temporarily "reclaimed".  Apparently Edinburgh City Council has some sort of initiative or programme or something to support this kind of thing.

There will be an event.  People will be invited and I'll be there to tell my story, too.  I'll give a talk about everything.  It'll be an opportunity to prove that I can do the public speaking that I really want to get into.

After a while, I remembered the old Forest Cafe.  The original building that's just off Bristo Square.  There was a time I wanted to set it up as a business premises and run things from there.  A cafe or coffee shop downstairs and the art classes upstairs.  One business could promote the other.  Even if I got a partner; someone who would run everything downstairs, while I had dominion upstairs.  I could set it up as a gallery to showcase my own pictures and I could rent it out for yoga classes and various other events.  I had some grand ideas until I did some checking and discovered that the annual rent for the building was a full zero bigger than the highest realistic figure I had anticipated.

So, now I'm lusting after the Forest Cafe.  I really hope they can get it.  It would be an amazing place to hold that event, even if I never set foot in it again, after that.

Thoughts on the Fixers video

Hello, Kobi

I spent a large part of last week thinking about the tone of the video and have a few thoughts.  I thought I'd share some notes with you, to see if you broadly agree on the approach I've been thinking of.  Some of these thoughts are my own, but I really like the suggestions you made last Monday.

I was also thinking of the type of endorsement that would really be cool.  I have absolutely no idea how practical this is, but I suddenly thought of Pamela Stephenson.  She definitely bridges the gap between media celebrity and mental health professional.  I know that autism is a neuro-developmental issue, rather than a mental health one, but it can have mental health consequences, so I believe she would be a great person to provide an endorsement.

Anyway, these are my thoughts -

Scenario - Could be anywhere.  In my home, or in a studio, or anywhere.  Talking to camera.  Cut between close-ups of my face and some further back angles.  Not rapid cuts, though - those can be distracting.  Just something to make it all a bit less static.  Perhaps intercut with bits of cartoon animation or stop-motion animation (Kobi's suggestion) to create a visual display of some events.  Makes everything less solemn and more cheerful.  I really don't want to dwell too much on the darker aspects.

Interview type setting?  Someone asks questions, so I'm talking to a person rather than a camera.  Feels more natural.

Describe how I first suspected I had autism.  How I read about it and felt a real sense of vindication, when I realised that a lot of the things that had defined me and created challenges for me had been related to the condition.  Describe the very inaccurate statements that gave me doubts -

"Autistic people have no sense of empathy."

"Autistic people have no sense of humour."

Describe first doctor's attitude, when I approached him for a diagnosis.  His own preconceptions were completely inaccurate and as a result of his misunderstanding of the condition, he simply belittled and dismissed me.

Describe car accident.  Leading to consequences that were initially very negative.

Loss of job and career

Loss of flat

Loss of property

Describe how I dealt with a massive increase in spare time.  Too many hours with nothing to do, leads to discovery of Photoshop and digital editing.

Describe the impact of my loss of professional career.  Transitory sense of worthlessness.  How that led to me turning back to something I had done when I was younger - I returned to life modelling for something to do while I figured out my next step.  Got my own business as a result.

Describe how PTSD made me approach a therapist (Paula Bell) who recommended I be referred to a specialist (Doctor Wheeldon of Ballenden House) who gave me my diagnosis.

Overview - 2009 started out as an absolute bitch of a year, but ended on a high note, with a fresh perspective, a new creative outlet and a new direction to move in.

Talk about Number 6.  Their role in my understanding of autism.  Leading to my looking for support in developing my business, but encountered dead ends.  Talk about how most autistic people are unemployed.  Talk about how the condition is misunderstood.  Talk about how autistic people should be heard.  How they could have valuable contributions to society, if they had support.

I'm very aware that they could do with being tidied up a bit, but this is just a rough, early draft.  And I'm also aware that it might be a lot of information to impart in the very short time we have for the video.  I hope it helps, though.

See you tomorrow.

Graham

Reward of all my efforts, my own limited company

It's amazing to me that I got into this business.  The hen night life modelling.  On Monday, Kobi told me that he particularly liked the way I'd rebuilt my own life after the car accident.  Everything had come crashing down and I'd fixed it myself.  He also appreciated the fact that I'm volunteering at Crew 2000.  I've been helping to promote a cause that I believed in.

It's tempting to think that way.  To flatter myself and run with the self-promotion.  But there was a lot more to it than that.  If I hadn't moved back in with my parents and had them take care of the immediate problems - food, shelter and basic survival - I would have kept sinking.  If I hadn't had help from the Cyrenians, I wouldn't have found my flat.  If I hadn't had help from Number 6, I wouldn't have had something to occupy my time and would have still been pretty ignorant about the realities of autism, or would have been stumbling around from one misleading website to another.

And if my mum hadn't loaned me the subscription fee to the RAM website, I wouldn't have started working as a life model.  Which means I wouldn't have proven myself to be capable of sourcing venues, running classes, ordering sketchpads, recruiting staff and a couple of other little details.  So I wouldn't have been offered the business.

I could go either way on that one.  I had definitely demonstrated capabilities, but there wasn't exactly any competition this far north.  I was the only person around.

I've never understood quite where the fine line is between being arrogant and smug about my achievements if I give myself too much credit, or demonstrating a low self-image if I don't give myself enough.  Personally, I think my self-image is pretty good, but I do still like to acknowledge other things that have contributed towards my successes.  This is particularly apt, considering the Scottish school system back in the '70s and '80s were full of teachers who were only too keen to "take you down a peg or two" if they thought you were being too complacent.  And they had a pretty relaxed definition of terms like "complacency" or "arrogance" or any term at all that implied that we students were even remotely pleased with our achievements.  So, some of us learned to demonstrate humility, before we had it thrust upon us.

Anyway, it definitely helps to emphasise that I was in the right place at the right time, so sometimes there's just no substitute for sheer, dumb luck.  Especially since - much more literally - earlier that same year I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.  And that car crash, as usual, was the catalyst that led to this position.

So, I found myself in a tough situation, I went back to basics, found an interesting variation on an old theme, ran with that for a while, was offered a good break, grabbed it and started to move on.  A lot of that definitely is down to my own efforts and innovations.  But those efforts would have been useless if I hadn't ever been given the opportunity to use them.

First meeting with Kobi

I've finally got a meeting arranged with Kobi.  I'm going to see him at BeanScene coffee shop on Monday afternoon.  This could be good.  Seems there might be more resources available than I first anticipated, depending on the target audience.  Very professional glossy booklets - things like that.  Posters in bus shelters.  I'm not sure either of those will be offered to me, but I'll definitely accept anything that sounds realistic.  This could be amazing.

He's talking about maybe suggesting I can give talks to medical professionals.  I'm not entirely sure about that, because I don't know what I can tell them that they don't already know.  But it's a possibility.

More than anything, I want to be promoted somehow.  The autism primarily, since that's got the message and the authenticity.  But that can segue into high autistic unemployment rates and my own business venture - making me a potential success story.  So, with luck, promoting the business could easily be a secondary element to the promotion.

Fixers

Hello, Kobi

I spoke to you at Crew 2000, last week and was very interested in what you had to say.  I wasn't sure if I had a reason to be there at first, but when you spoke about the age range being relaxed for people with learning disabilities, I realised I might be able to get involved.

I don't know if my thoughts might be relevant, here.  I have a hard time absorbing lots of information all at once, and there were times when I was thinking about my own ideas rather than listening to what you were saying.  Sometimes I tune people out a bit, and it can appear to be rude, so sorry about that.  This also means that I might be about to make suggestions that are completely out of step with what Fixers helps people with - and you may have already covered that last week.  And I have a suspicion that some of my thoughts are too specific to me personally, so might not be workable.  That's all cool.  But I figure the only way I can find out is to ask you.

Anyway, my thoughts are not related to my work at Crew.  They're more connected with the difficulties I've been experiencing with my autism.  I have a small business, that is doing OK - but could be doing a lot better, with the right promotion.  Viral marketing would be amazing.  If you can't work with one person's self-promotion - and I completely understand if that's the case - then I still believe that the difficulties of autistic people could still benefit from a bit of awareness.

I have a lot of experience with varying degrees of public speaking.  I used to be an assistant team leader with the Prince's Trust Volunteers and I've done a bit of work promoting a friend's business in Glasgow.  In my current business, I arrange art classes for groups of girls - mostly hen nights, but also birthday parties, retirement parties and things like that.  This is more about entertainment than education, though, because the girls really just want to have a laugh and see a naked man.  So I'm the centre of attention at these events, where I have to set up drawing challenges, rely on a bit of banter and entertain the girls for an hour or so.  I've had to deal with some tough crowds in the past, and have always managed to do a good job.  So, in varying forums, I am very comfortable with standing up, talking and interacting.  This is not a characteristic that's all that common among autistic people, by the way.  And for me, it's been a learned characteristic rather than a natural one.  I had to overcome some personal challenges along the way.

You can read a bit more about the business here, if you're interested.

There are a variety of things I believe I could do with the right promotion - and they're all things I feel I'm very suited to do, if I can just get started.

I can speak publicly about autism.  I would be giving people a personal insight into the condition and how it applies to me.  This can also cover the general misconceptions and can touch on how some details can vary wildly from one person to another.  There are a lot of people these days who are speaking about autism, but I believe that we should also be able to speak for ourselves.

I can speak about the difficulties in business promotion.  This is something that is particularly relevant to me, because of my own business.  But the employment statistics where they apply to autistic people are disproportionate to where they apply to neurotypicals (that's the word for you "normal" people).   So when an autistic person finds it more difficult and has to overcome more challenges to even get into work at all, then someone like me - with a moderately successful business - is in even more of a minority.

I can speak about my art.  I have a profile here, if you're curious.  This is also relevant to my autism, because it came about as part of what was - quite literally - a life changing experience.  In 2009, I was in a car crash which damaged my shoulder and ended my previous career - a job which was taking up a minimum of sixty hours every week.  When I suddenly found myself with too much free time on my hands, I filled it with digital photography and digital editing.  The car crash in 2009 was a near-death experience and a catalyst for a lot of changes.  That sounds melodramatic, but it's still completely true.

(In fact, all the speaking options touch on 2009 in varying degrees - the relevance of it can't be understated.)

It might also be relevant that I taught myself some video editing techniques using my Mac and made up a couple of videos.  I've posted a couple of them on my YouTube profile.  One of them is a slideshow I made up from pictures of my brain that were taken a few months ago - part of a study in autism.  A couple of them are something I made up with my cousin a few months ago - we had a few drinks, recorded ourselves and I edited the footage a couple of days later.  That one gets a bit sweary, though.  And the others are a couple of musical slideshows I made up.

I know there's a lot in this email - and that it probably sounds pretty chaotic.  And I realise that it's probably outside of what you were discussing last week.  But I'm still hopeful that we can pick up something and make it work.  I hope you get back to me with your thoughts.  I'm keen to see if we can get a project going.

Graham