A postscript to an earlier posting

A while ago, I wrote a posting about a relationship I had with someone.  I only referred to her as "E".  The posting was called How not to be a stalker.

A few hours ago, I got a response to that posting from someone, which was pretty cool.  I don't update this blog often, so it's not very active - and I don't get too much feedback.  But that doesn't mean I don't appreciate it when I do get feedback.

Anyway, this response kind of reminded me that there was a final update and resolution to the story of E.  I initiated a final bit of correspondence with her back in April of last year.  I wrote this...

I don't expect to get a response, here. In fact, you probably won't even bother reading this. I just want to say it anyway.

You are a hypocrite.


You accused me of hypocrisy when we started writing again - and that's something that nobody has ever accused me of before now. I accepted it at the time, although it confused and surprised me.


But now... months after you just cut off all communication without even bothering to explain yourself and leave me completely bewildered about what it was I did wrong. This coming just a few days after you assured me we could be honest with each other and pointed out how understandable it is that our friendship could be strained. Commenting on how we haven't pissed each other off yet. And after repeatedly assuring me we could be honest with other - and that I should stop editing my thoughts when I write to you. That's hypocrisy. Worse still - it's cowardice.


I tried. I took the chance that you would be receptive to repairing things. All I wanted was my friend back. I was honest with you about my beliefs regarding what constituted a friend and I can only assume that it was this honesty that made you throw my words right back at me and cut off all correspondence.
From the very beginning, I said that if we tried and failed to make this work, then I would hope that we'd be mature enough to conclude it amicably. You agreed with me. So... you lied. You broke your promises. And you ran away.


It's not the first time you've done that, though. In fact, it's standard procedure with you. From the very earliest days, you've done it repeatedly. And the only reasons we ever managed to maintain a friendship at all for so long was because I was stupid enough to go to all the effort of repairing things between us - over and over again.


I hope you don't treat other people like this. Because if you do, then one day, you might find out that you've driven everybody away from you. And you'll be lonely, bitter and twisted.


Maybe then, you'll remember that one person accepted you for what you were and tried to repair a friendship - even after it had become twisted and abused by you.


Goodbye.

I expected that to be a conclusion to it.  I was actually pretty surprised when I got a response from her.

I can't talk to you anymore. My husband found out I was still in contact with you and he flipped out, he wrote you that email. Besides the fact that talking to you was so awkward. I had to force myself to reply to you and I had to put aside a block of time to do it because I'd analyze everything I wrote. I realized it wasn't going to work and you even commented on the fact. That's not friendship, it's desperately clinging to the past. It wasn't easy anymore, it was becoming a chore. It's better this way. Call me all the names you want, believe what you want to, I don't care anymore.

And so I wrote my final message to her and finally brought everything to a conclusion.

No, I realise you can't talk to me any more. And I want this to be the final bit of correspondence that ever passes between us. Because now I believe that I can add liar to the list of qualities I ascribe to you.


Your husband wrote that last email to me? He wrote "do not email me again" and that was the end of our correspondence. No. I don't believe that happened. This is the man who has never concealed who he was - and in fact threatened me with physical violence. I don't like him, but at least he was always honest. Writing an email and claiming to be you was never the kind of style I could anticipate from him.


And even if it was him, it doesn't change the fact that you couldn't be bothered answering any of my emails up to now and settling things. You still preferred to hide away and ignore all my requests to explain what I said to mess things up. In fact, you were happy to let me think that it was - once again - all my fault. That's cold. That is incredibly cruel.


As for your "that's not friendship" statement. I think it could have worked if you had only been prepared to work at it. Instead, it was just too difficult for you and you chose not to try. No... it wasn't easy. But it wasn't a "chore", either.


The thing is... if you had said at the time that you wanted to bring it to a conclusion, then I would have accepted it. If you had just said more than "do not email me again" and explained yourself, then I'd have let it go. I'd have been upset, but I was prepared for it and I would still have had some regard for you.


Now, however... hypocrite, coward and liar.

I'm aware, by the way, that I sound like a bit of a bitch in my emails to her.  Fair enough.  By this point, I think that's allowed.