I stayed overnight at Prestwick Airport on Saturday night so I could catch an early flight to Dublin on Sunday morning.
The plan was simple. Fly to Dublin. Catch a bus to Ballina, then another one to Killaloe, where I would meet my friend. She and her husband are having a holiday in Ireland and invited me out to join them. Since they live in South Carolina, this is the first opportunity to see her in a long, long time. I had their 'phone numbers and email address, in case of emergencies. She had originally offered to pick me up at the airport, but since I was going to arrive very early in the morning, I told her that I could make my way out to her instead and meet her locally. In her emails, she had made me think she was staying near Dublin, so that didn't seem like an unrealistic offer.
It went wrong immediately. Killaloe was near Ballina and that was a four-hour bus journey away. Hardly local. The man in the Tourist Information Office told me all this. I tried calling my friend and then tried emailing her so that I could confirm that I was going the right way. I couldn't raise her. So, lacking any further options, I made a bus trip to Dublin, waited two hours in a freezing bus station, then caught another bus so I could make the four hour journey to Ballina. And when I got there, nobody knew where Killaloe was.
Throughout the day, I left multiple emails for my friends every time I got an internet connection and kept trying to call them. But the two 'phone numbers I had were useless. One of the numbers would give me someone who had never heard of my friend - so a wrong number. And the other one wouldn't even connect.
In Ballina, a bunch of people told me there was no Killaloe anywhere near, but there was one in County Claire - another 200 miles away, apparently. Although, by this stage, I wasn't clear whether they were saying 200 miles from Dublin or from where I currently was. Either way, I was in a panic, now. If I couldn't even raise my friend to tell her of the difficulties I was having, then where was the point in spending even more money to get to another place that may or may not be the right one?
Solution... head back to Dublin. Try to get an earlier flight home. But even that wasn't an option, because it would cost more than I can afford. Probably more than the original return flight.
The money was dwindling. I had arrived with less than planned, because of some unrelated complications. I kept hoping that my friend would realise her 'phone wasn't set up to receive calls, and so would somehow correct the problem. But she never did, and so every attempt I made simply cost me another euro. And every time I connected to the internet - for even just ten minutes - that was another euro down. And I had to keep doing that to find out if my friend had read any of my emails or responded to them.
I wrote a bunch of emails to her throughout the day, keeping her abreast of the situation. I tried to keep my mounting panic restrained and tried to restrain my sense of anger, but I think that in the end the cracks were showing in the emails I was sending.
Eventually, I did get an email from her. It seems that she was in Killaloe all day, waiting for me - and Killaloe was close to Ballina. Eventually, they went to Ballina to check their emails. This was the most crushing news of the entire day. The fact that I was there. I was right there. And then couldn't find them and went back to Dublin. I spent around nine hours on a bus and two hours in a very cold bus station and all the bus journeys combined cost me more than 50 euros.
I realised today that I didn't eat all day yesterday. I was reluctant to buy food because I felt that was too great a drain on the budget when I was trying so hard to find my friend. Instead, the money was going on internet connections and 'phone calls.
I got a second from my friend last night. She and her husband have fallen out with the person who was hosting them and are now looking for somewhere else to stay. Until I got that email, I had actually been hoping that they might travel to Dublin (as originally planned) and pick me up from the airport, but the second email made me realise that wasn't going to happen.
That was the last time I heard from her. I got a couple of hours sleep in the airport last night, then went into Dublin city centre and found a hostel to stay in today. When I woke up, I had become concerned that I just couldn't get warm at all - in fact I was starting to feel pretty shivery. And every time I passed a fast food outlet, I realised I felt incredibly hungry, but that the smell of the food was making me feel ill at the same time. So I knew I had to change the circumstances. A quick scan of the remaining money let me know that I could stay at a cheap hostel two nights and eat sparingly - so enough to keep me going until Wednesday evening - when I return home.
So the current situation... I've eaten and showered and I'm comfortable. I have consistent internet access all day. Despite everything, I still hope to meet my friend, but since she hasn't contacted me since last night, I strongly suspect that she's not going to. To be honest, I'm not sure why she fell out with her friend, but I wonder if waiting all day for me in Killaloe was the catalyst - in which case I was responsible. Combine that with the mounting tension in my emails and I think she might be angry at me, now. So... after all this, I might have lost a friend.
Looking back, I can see all the places I went wrong. I should have let them pick me up at the airport. I should have tied my friend down specifically to the address of the place she was staying at, rather than rely on the broad details she had given me. I should have asked how far she was from the airport. I should have got a lot more information. If she didn't have it available, I should have insisted she get it.
Now, I can't help wondering whether things would have been different if I didn't have AS. This occurs to me all the time, these days. Any time something stressful or interesting or unusual happens to me - any time the events are influenced by me or have an influence on me, I wonder how much the AS has a part to play in them. In this case... would I have taken different actions if I was neuro-typical? If so, which actions would have been different? And would I have handled things better if I was neuro-typical? Would the sense of panic not have been so strong? Would I have spent less time reacting to events and more time taking control of them?
To be honest, I see little that I would have done different, given the situation I was in. As I already said, I should have got more information from my friend in advance, but that's through the benefit of hindsight rather than through an AS versus NT conflict. The only real thing I can really pick up on is the fact that I didn't eat all day yesterday. My sensory input became faulty and although I was aware that I was hungry, that never really became an overriding issue. On three separate occasions, I needed to break notes so I could get coins for 'phone calls or the internet and on those occasions I chose the cheapest available option - which was to buy some chocolate. Not all that cheap, I know, but in an airport options are limited. Anyway, I had three bars of chocolate throughout the day. Not something I'd choose to eat - I like chocolate, but I don't develop cravings for it like a lot of people describe and I often find it to be a bit sickening. But that did help to sustain me.
It's said that AS people don't react well to extreme situations or to situations that are out of their control. I'm trying to work out how this applied to yesterday's situation. I was certainly out of my depth, but every reaction to the events was ultimately my choice and nobody else's. I chose to catch a bus to Ballina and I chose to return to the airport. I chose to stay there last night. I chose to come to this hostel today. And I chose when I would eat. One thing that stresses me out intensely is any kind of situation where I find it difficult to make a choice. And yesterday had some tough choices. I definitely agonised about them before making them on at least a couple of occasions. Once made, however, I become fatalistic - a course of action has been taken and I can take comfort in that.
I'm much more relaxed now that I know where I'm going to sleep tonight and now that I've accepted I'll be in Dublin - no matter what - until Wednesday. I still really want to see my friend, but I've accepted that that's not likely to happen. I reread the emails I sent her yesterday and realised I was nowhere near as rude or confrontational as I thought I might have been, despite the situation I was facing. In fact, I think I displayed a patience that would have been beyond a lot of other people in the same situation.
I should conclude that I'm getting more money tomorrow. It will be paid into my account in the morning. I know it'll be there... I'm just acting like the cash in my pocket is all that's available, though. Just in case something else goes wrong. The events of the last couple of days have even made me wary of the arrival of a scheduled payment.
The plan was simple. Fly to Dublin. Catch a bus to Ballina, then another one to Killaloe, where I would meet my friend. She and her husband are having a holiday in Ireland and invited me out to join them. Since they live in South Carolina, this is the first opportunity to see her in a long, long time. I had their 'phone numbers and email address, in case of emergencies. She had originally offered to pick me up at the airport, but since I was going to arrive very early in the morning, I told her that I could make my way out to her instead and meet her locally. In her emails, she had made me think she was staying near Dublin, so that didn't seem like an unrealistic offer.
It went wrong immediately. Killaloe was near Ballina and that was a four-hour bus journey away. Hardly local. The man in the Tourist Information Office told me all this. I tried calling my friend and then tried emailing her so that I could confirm that I was going the right way. I couldn't raise her. So, lacking any further options, I made a bus trip to Dublin, waited two hours in a freezing bus station, then caught another bus so I could make the four hour journey to Ballina. And when I got there, nobody knew where Killaloe was.
Throughout the day, I left multiple emails for my friends every time I got an internet connection and kept trying to call them. But the two 'phone numbers I had were useless. One of the numbers would give me someone who had never heard of my friend - so a wrong number. And the other one wouldn't even connect.
In Ballina, a bunch of people told me there was no Killaloe anywhere near, but there was one in County Claire - another 200 miles away, apparently. Although, by this stage, I wasn't clear whether they were saying 200 miles from Dublin or from where I currently was. Either way, I was in a panic, now. If I couldn't even raise my friend to tell her of the difficulties I was having, then where was the point in spending even more money to get to another place that may or may not be the right one?
Solution... head back to Dublin. Try to get an earlier flight home. But even that wasn't an option, because it would cost more than I can afford. Probably more than the original return flight.
The money was dwindling. I had arrived with less than planned, because of some unrelated complications. I kept hoping that my friend would realise her 'phone wasn't set up to receive calls, and so would somehow correct the problem. But she never did, and so every attempt I made simply cost me another euro. And every time I connected to the internet - for even just ten minutes - that was another euro down. And I had to keep doing that to find out if my friend had read any of my emails or responded to them.
I wrote a bunch of emails to her throughout the day, keeping her abreast of the situation. I tried to keep my mounting panic restrained and tried to restrain my sense of anger, but I think that in the end the cracks were showing in the emails I was sending.
Eventually, I did get an email from her. It seems that she was in Killaloe all day, waiting for me - and Killaloe was close to Ballina. Eventually, they went to Ballina to check their emails. This was the most crushing news of the entire day. The fact that I was there. I was right there. And then couldn't find them and went back to Dublin. I spent around nine hours on a bus and two hours in a very cold bus station and all the bus journeys combined cost me more than 50 euros.
I realised today that I didn't eat all day yesterday. I was reluctant to buy food because I felt that was too great a drain on the budget when I was trying so hard to find my friend. Instead, the money was going on internet connections and 'phone calls.
I got a second from my friend last night. She and her husband have fallen out with the person who was hosting them and are now looking for somewhere else to stay. Until I got that email, I had actually been hoping that they might travel to Dublin (as originally planned) and pick me up from the airport, but the second email made me realise that wasn't going to happen.
That was the last time I heard from her. I got a couple of hours sleep in the airport last night, then went into Dublin city centre and found a hostel to stay in today. When I woke up, I had become concerned that I just couldn't get warm at all - in fact I was starting to feel pretty shivery. And every time I passed a fast food outlet, I realised I felt incredibly hungry, but that the smell of the food was making me feel ill at the same time. So I knew I had to change the circumstances. A quick scan of the remaining money let me know that I could stay at a cheap hostel two nights and eat sparingly - so enough to keep me going until Wednesday evening - when I return home.
So the current situation... I've eaten and showered and I'm comfortable. I have consistent internet access all day. Despite everything, I still hope to meet my friend, but since she hasn't contacted me since last night, I strongly suspect that she's not going to. To be honest, I'm not sure why she fell out with her friend, but I wonder if waiting all day for me in Killaloe was the catalyst - in which case I was responsible. Combine that with the mounting tension in my emails and I think she might be angry at me, now. So... after all this, I might have lost a friend.
Looking back, I can see all the places I went wrong. I should have let them pick me up at the airport. I should have tied my friend down specifically to the address of the place she was staying at, rather than rely on the broad details she had given me. I should have asked how far she was from the airport. I should have got a lot more information. If she didn't have it available, I should have insisted she get it.
Now, I can't help wondering whether things would have been different if I didn't have AS. This occurs to me all the time, these days. Any time something stressful or interesting or unusual happens to me - any time the events are influenced by me or have an influence on me, I wonder how much the AS has a part to play in them. In this case... would I have taken different actions if I was neuro-typical? If so, which actions would have been different? And would I have handled things better if I was neuro-typical? Would the sense of panic not have been so strong? Would I have spent less time reacting to events and more time taking control of them?
To be honest, I see little that I would have done different, given the situation I was in. As I already said, I should have got more information from my friend in advance, but that's through the benefit of hindsight rather than through an AS versus NT conflict. The only real thing I can really pick up on is the fact that I didn't eat all day yesterday. My sensory input became faulty and although I was aware that I was hungry, that never really became an overriding issue. On three separate occasions, I needed to break notes so I could get coins for 'phone calls or the internet and on those occasions I chose the cheapest available option - which was to buy some chocolate. Not all that cheap, I know, but in an airport options are limited. Anyway, I had three bars of chocolate throughout the day. Not something I'd choose to eat - I like chocolate, but I don't develop cravings for it like a lot of people describe and I often find it to be a bit sickening. But that did help to sustain me.
It's said that AS people don't react well to extreme situations or to situations that are out of their control. I'm trying to work out how this applied to yesterday's situation. I was certainly out of my depth, but every reaction to the events was ultimately my choice and nobody else's. I chose to catch a bus to Ballina and I chose to return to the airport. I chose to stay there last night. I chose to come to this hostel today. And I chose when I would eat. One thing that stresses me out intensely is any kind of situation where I find it difficult to make a choice. And yesterday had some tough choices. I definitely agonised about them before making them on at least a couple of occasions. Once made, however, I become fatalistic - a course of action has been taken and I can take comfort in that.
I'm much more relaxed now that I know where I'm going to sleep tonight and now that I've accepted I'll be in Dublin - no matter what - until Wednesday. I still really want to see my friend, but I've accepted that that's not likely to happen. I reread the emails I sent her yesterday and realised I was nowhere near as rude or confrontational as I thought I might have been, despite the situation I was facing. In fact, I think I displayed a patience that would have been beyond a lot of other people in the same situation.
I should conclude that I'm getting more money tomorrow. It will be paid into my account in the morning. I know it'll be there... I'm just acting like the cash in my pocket is all that's available, though. Just in case something else goes wrong. The events of the last couple of days have even made me wary of the arrival of a scheduled payment.
This is exactly the kind of thing that happens to me. Something you might be overlooking is that you were probably holding them up to some standards that you hold yourself. Such as being constantly available by phone, email, whatever just in case someone needs to contact you. I find NTs seem far more relaxed about loose arrangements and whatnot whereas I get frustrated when things are exact or known.
ReplyDeleteMaybe on some level you accepted their loose organisation on the assumption that they were just a call or an email away? After all, had they been on the phone or email wouldn't things have been different still?
A 'phone call or an email away. Yeah, well, to be honest, that's exactly why I let the details slip. I never anticipated that I wouldn't be able to just pick up a 'phone and call my friend. I think it was that detail that was most damning of all.
ReplyDeleteI feel stressed out just reading about that.
ReplyDeleteI have AS and I am not really capable of doing anything without a relatively strict schedule and having the tiniest detail planned out.
Very brave of you to set off the way you did. I wouldn't be able to do that, even though I would like to.
I also agree with AS-4-L, NTs are much more relaxed about loose arrangements.
Hi, Sarah
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting. Yeah, it was a traumatic time and I'm glad it's over now. I really should have relied less on my friend, though. I should have double checked the details she gave me. And I should have insisted on more information about things like postcodes, etc.
Well, it definitely means I'll be more careful in the future.
Graham