A few years ago, I read a lot of comics. One day, I recognised the work of a specific artist by the way he drew a mouth. The artist was Norm Breyfogle and I developed a liking for his artistic style after that. Then I noticed that I was recognising other artists by the way they drew mouths. Their artistic style could be very distinctive, but it was often the mouths that I noticed first.
A few years later, a friend commented that whenever she spoke to me, if I was concentrating hard, I would focus on her mouth rather than her eyes. She thought it was mildly disconcerting when she first noticed it. I hadn't even realised I did this until she pointed it out.
For a while, it was suggested that I might have some hearing difficulties I hadn't been aware of and that I was subconsciously lip-reading. I checked into this. No... no hearing problems at all, so that's not it.
Early this year, after I got my AS diagnosis, I was told that people on the autistic spectrum often focused specifically on mouths. We have sensory complications at times and so look for any edge we can get. So we watch mouths so as not to miss any nuances in communication.
All this has led me to be very aware of mouths. I have been aware of mouths for a long, long time and can identify specific times in my childhood where I recognised that mouths were different from those I was used to (people from different ethnic or social backgrounds) and was wary or cautious as a result. In art and photography, I focus straight in on them.
I spot the sensual potential in mouths. I spot the potential for cruelty in them. In fact, it's entirely possible that I look to mouths in the same way that other people look to eyes.
So... I might like your mouth a lot. But I might never notice the colour of your eyes. Please don't take it personally.
One of those sensory complications includes having difficulty looking directly into people's eyes, so I guess the mouth is the next best thing for communication. It's better than staring past them over their shoulder, like I tend to do. ;-/ I've had to train myself to look people in the eye when talking to them, after it was pointed out to me that I didn't. It's hard, though, it's too intense. When I do look people in the eye, it seems sometimes that it's too intense for them as well, like I'm pouring myself into them or sucking something out of them, or something.
ReplyDeleteNightfall, I'm sorry I didn't respond to this sooner. I didn't realise I'd had any comments until now. I better check my settings.
ReplyDeleteAnyway... yes, I get what you say about the eye contact. I was on a course one time, where the lecturer kept getting aggressive with me and asking me if I had something to say to him - something that completely bewildered me. Later, someone told me I was making hostile eye contact and he was just responding to that. I personally think that even despite the (unwitting) provocation, the lecturer was acting unprofessionally, but the question remains... how much eye contact is too much?